cosmic sucks

This one was originally written in 2008 on my first
version of this blog:

"Cosmic this"-"Comsic that!"... 

Cosmic is just a fancy name for downtempo Psy-trance

i am getting fed up with all this cosmic bullshit,
first of all because nobody really knows what the hell
cosmic is in the first place...

Except for me. yes because I know.... Cosmic is the
predecessor of GOA & PSY TRANCE...yes thats right you
fucking dumb-ass cosmic hipster, I bet you didn't know
that! Just listen to a shit band like Sphongle...pitched
down slow goa trance chill out music for drugmuppets...
what does it sound like? Yes like your stupid COSMIC crap!
So what do you get when you speed up Cosmic...yes PSYTRANCE!!!

The worst thing is that all these drugmuppet hipster kids
think they KNOW everything about COSMIC music and start
throwing their own cosmic parties(either in Berlin or London
most of the time!) and most stupidest of all start COSMIC
blogs. Full of cosmic bullshit and cosmic facts.

They make them so they can show off their stupid COSMIC
knowledge.... and hopefully become cosmic superstar DJ's
(fat chance!!!).
Most of the time it consists of the following bullshit:

Posting rare MP3s
"HEY LOOK AT THIS ULTRA RARE RECORD I FOUND - YES I -ME-
I FOUND IT AND I AM SHARING IT WITH YOU ON MY BLOG BECAUSE
I AM A PROFESSOR OF COSMIC MUSIC ARCHEAOLOGY AND i also have
SUPER TASTE (and a recordplayer) Well hooray!

that is really great, because you were probably listening to
2 step garage or  playing drums in a COLLEGE ROCK band 3
years ago before you read about this new ultra hip cosmic
thing. And what is all this shit with these talentless fucks
getting credit for discovering tracks?????????

Make stupid old pop songs into cosmic classics:
If you can't find a super rare record you can make everything
cosmic: some TOP 40 Phill Collins, Chris Rea B-side tracks
from 1981.....if it has a drummachine, some synths, if you
pitch it down...YEAH ITS TOTALLY COSMIC!

Wait...you can even make an EDIT of it!!! (See below...The next
level of a Cosmic hipster)

The worst example of a crap-old top-40 number-1 hit made a
cosmic-classicever must be NOVA - AURORA...that song makes
you puke!!!

Stupid interviews with nobody cosmic DJs:
What can you do to make your fucking stupid cosmic site/blog
stand out, yes an exclusive interview !
And you stupid fuck can't interview Baldelli for the 2000th
time and all the rest of these cosmic legends died from drug
overdose so who can you interview????.......another cosmic
hipster idiot DJ!

Yes another fucking lame ass like you that doesn't know shit
about cosmic, another wanker that was in some stupid alternative
college rock band 3 years ago and now thinks he is the PROFESSOR
OF COSMIC MUSIC.

this how such an interview usually goes:

Q so hey...,how did you start DJing cosmic...dude?

A: welllll when i was a young kid I started experimenting with
tape decks and recording sounds and my parents record collection
BLAHBLAHBLAHABALA

Well you get the picture...just pure piss ass cliche crap!!!
yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwnnn

The next level of a Cosmic hipster:

Cosmic hipsters are talentless fucks that are too lazy and too
dumb to make their own music. So what they do is make the lowest
of the lowest form of music: EDITS. yes edits..they take an old
record, or usually they just download an MP3...and start rearranging
parts of it in a sound edit program.
Most of the time they use the excuse of that it will make the track
better for dancing and mixing....
Maybe you should realize that if you can't mix it in the original
version you are probably a shit-ass DJ in the first place!

If that is not stupid enough already, the next level of lameness
is to claim their name to the edit (and song) and sometimes just
not even mentioning the original artist.

-so DJ Lame-ass downloaded an MP3 of a track called 
Bondabobo - Blue Moon Ocean:

so BONDABOBO (that would be the band name) - "BLUE MOON OCEAN"
(that wouldbe the title of the track) becomes:

BLUE MOON OCEAN (DJ LAME-ASS EDIT)

or even worse they hussle the name around...to be extra
mysterious or just to be extra...tadddaaa "COSMIC"...
it becomes something like:

OCEAN BLUES (DJ LAME-ASS DEEP MOON EDIT)...

If this ain't too emberassing enough already they can take it
a step further even...

They can release their edit on a BOOTLEG vinyl record...yes
they steal and edit a track, claim its theirs and then fucking
release it on a vinyl bootleg to get ultra self-satisfaction and
prove they are the ultmate egocentric pricks! Ofcourse most people
are stupid and actually think they made the music on the record
and that they are actually TALENTED....but its all just
LIES AND A BIG FACADE!

and that is what COSMIC MUSIC is....a giant bunch of facade
bullshit so these fake untalented drugmuppets can pretend
they are something hot...

Col. Norbert